


Mirror, Mirror on the Wall

by SunshineA



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: M/M, PTSD Billy, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-29
Updated: 2020-06-29
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:33:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24980866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SunshineA/pseuds/SunshineA
Summary: There were days when Billy couldn't get rid of the feeling that he wasn't alone.It didn't matter if he was surrounded by people, either his friends or strangers, or if he was completely alone in the literal sense of the word.There were just days when he could still feel Him.
Relationships: Billy Hargrove/Steve Harrington
Comments: 6
Kudos: 45





	Mirror, Mirror on the Wall

**Author's Note:**

> This one is inspired by the amazing art of [Martovskiy Zayac/FrauMizantrop](https://zayacv.tumblr.com/), which you can see [here](https://twitter.com/FrauMizantrop/status/1270475606095015937).

There were days when Billy couldn't get rid of the feeling that  _ he wasn't alone. _

It didn't matter if he was surrounded by people, either his friends or strangers, or if he was completely alone in the literal sense of the word.

There were just days when he could still feel  _ Him _ . 

Feel that itch underneath his skin. Feel that need to be cold all the time, even in the coldest days. It could be the coldest winter day and he still would want it to be  _ colder _ . 

_ Just like he wanted it _ .

It was almost two years after the events that left him broken, scarred, stranded and scared. It was almost two years after the week of the worst nightmare of his life.

It was almost two years since he got Steve. 

Steve, who was now in the living room of their small apartment in Chicago - the farthest they could afford to run away for now. Steve, who still didn't know there were monsters hunting Billy's mind every now and then. Monsters that wouldn't go away, no matter how hard he tried. They just kept coming back, or maybe they never really left. 

That was Billy's worst fear now. 

_ What if He never left?  _

Billy locked himself up in their small bathroom and jumped under the shower. He let the freezing water run over his body, his head aching from the low temperature of the stream. But he didn't want it warm. It wouldn't help any, and he knew there was no help for him when those days came.

He stood under the cold stream for what felt like forever to him, especially when he got lost in his head. His mind was swarmed with memories of what happened that one awful summer in Hawkins. Sometimes he could still feel something pulling at the scars on his chest and hands. It was a miracle he still had his hands, let alone that he lost close to no motoring skills.

Was it really a miracle that he was still alive? 

Or maybe it was a curse? Billy still wasn't sure about that. 

He stepped from the shower cabin on the cold tiled floor of the bathroom and reached out for the towel hanging to the side, next to the toilet. There was a sink right in front of him, with a square mirror above it. It wasn't misty like it usually got after his showers, so he could see himself perfectly.

And  _ Him _ , too. 

_ He  _ was standing right behind him, filling up the small space of the bathroom with  _ His _ huge, black and disgusting form. Billy remembered the faces of all the people that made the body for  _ Him _ , remembered each one of them, as he wooed or dragged them to the warehouse where they were--

_ No _ . 

Billy looked away from the mirror and started getting dressed, trying to keep his mind away from those painful memories that still filled him with so much blame he could barely stand it most of the time. 

Steve wanted him to go to therapy. Billy knew he wanted the best for him, but it wasn't like he could go to a shrink and tell them what happened to him. And lying would just make things worse, he knew that. They offered someone to him at the lab, shortly after he woke up. The doctors told him it wasn't his fault, that he shouldn't blame himself for what the creature made him do. 

But Billy couldn't help but think that-- maybe  _ He _ didn't make him do all those stuff? 

_ He _ was a constant voice in his head back then, whispering to him, telling him to do those awful things, urging him.

They did send someone to Billy, when he refused to speak. The woman was nice and her voice was soothing, but not soothing enough to keep his regrets and blame away. 

No one could do that. No one, but Steve.

The blame and painful memories slowly started to fade away when Steve started visiting him at the lab. After they finally let the visitors in. He was one of the first people that came to see him, probably because he had to drive the Goonies around and to the lab, too. But he always walked in with them, even if it was just Max. He stayed in the room, talked with Billy, told about their "adventures" with  _ Him and His world _ .

Somehow, Steve seemed to understand him; maybe it was just a small bit, but he was aware of what Billy was going through without having to ask. Billy wouldn't tell him the truth, anyway. Not then.

He kept coming back to see Billy, without the kids. He was the one that picked Billy up when he was released. He helped him find a place to move in after he could leave the lab. Steve helped him with making it Billy's place, and still kept coming back.

And with him, the memories just started to slowly fade, move to the back of Billy's mind. 

So his episodes were probably a punishment for not remembering on most days. That's what Billy considered it. 

Especially when he stood in front of the mirror again, jeans and white sleeveless tshirt on, and still could see  _ Him.  _

His fleshy, disgusting body was slowly moving over Billy's, embracing him in the flesh of people he doomed, in the darkness of his mind and his doings.

He froze, unable to look away from the mirror; unable to look away from  _ Him _ . 

_ His _ repulsive head was right next to Billy's, smiling at him, showing of its teeth in a terrifying grin. 

Suddenly, Billy in the mirror moved, while real Billy just stood in place frozen. Mirror-Billy grabbed at the edges of his confines and started to struggle. To break free away from the monster.

Billy couldn't stop looking, not when he saw so clearly how he felt back then, how helpless he looked in this mirror, the window to his mind.  _ He  _ kept grinning, the fleshy arms wrapping righter around mirror-Billy and pulling him back and back  _ and back, away to His world _ . 

"Billy…?" 

Steve's voice filled Billy's ears. He kept staring at his reflection, still trying to get away from the monster.

But when he blinked everything was gone. 

There was a soft knock at the door and Steve called out his name again. Billy could tell he was getting worried.

"Coming, Steve."

Billy took a deep breath and realized what he had to do then. 

He had to tell Steve about his episodes, about his fears, and how he couldn't get away from the monsters. Perhaps there was no solution for that, but Billy knew he didn't have to be alone in this anymore. 

He took those couple of steps and opened the door, meeting Steve's worries brown eyes. 

"Are you okay?" he asked, reaching out to brush damp locks away from Billy's face. 

"I am now," Billy replied softly, taking Steve's hand away from his hair and giving his knuckles gentle kisses. 

"What happened?" Steve asked and wrapped his free arm around Billy's middle, pulling him close. 

Billy leaned into him, nuzzled his neck and started breathing him in. 

No matter where they lived, Steve always smelled the same, like his cologne, freshly washed clothes and-- him. Just Steve. 

Billy took his time, calmed himself enough to speak; he couldn't get rid of the image he saw in the mirror. 

"I need to tell you something." 


End file.
